Growing into Me with Bipolar

Top Ten Crazy Eyed Dogs


http://theverybesttop10.com/dogs-that-have-crazy-eyes/

Top Ten Ghostbuster Items


http://theverybesttop10.com/ghostbusters-gift-ideas/http://theverybesttop10.com/ghostbusters-gift-ideas/

Top Ten Cats’ Tails


http://theverybesttop10.com/funny-cats-tails/#more-33044

Top Ten Beer Glasses


http://theverybesttop10.com/unusual-pint-and-beer-glasses/


http://theverybesttop10.com/cats-who-want-to-be-dogs/


So, as I posted previously I was in the hospital for most of November and most of January, with a small 3 week break between the two hospitalizations. The first time we ended up not changing meds and then the second time they added a bunch.

When I had the 3 week break between hospitalizations I came home to a wrecked home like a tornado had gone through it and my daughter having left without notifying me to her dad’s several states away.

My daughter left because we had a fight just before I went to the hospital. She says I said terrible things to her and that she can’t forgive me. I denied doing such a thing. I have no memory of what was said, just that we’d had a fight. That just made her more upset with me because she thought I was calling her a liar. Eventually I accepted that I must have done this terrible thing and I told her so, and I told her I was very sorry.

Unfortunately, the damage is done. She refuses to interact or communicate with me at all. It has been 11 months and I have made no headway in trying to convince her I am truly sorry. I don’t know how I am supposed to make it right when she won’t give me an opportunity to show her I can be trusted again.

This brings up lots of mixed emotions in me, and not just that I feel I have lost my daughter forever, but also issues with my own mother with whom I have been estranged for 9 years. If I want my daughter to give me a chance to rebuild trust, then maybe I have to do the same for my mother? But I don’t know if I can trust my mother with another (way more than second) chance, as she has squandered the many that I gave her. On the other hand, how else can I show my daughter that she should also give me a second chance if I don’t do it myself with my own mother?

My brain and heart are agonizing over this situation. I am slowly dying as my soul seeps out the wound left by my daughter’s refusal to interact with me. I am constantly thinking about either my daughter or my mother and nothing else. Every time I think about my daughter, I start to cry, whether it is a good memory or a bad one or about this situation and every time I think about contacting my mother I wonder if I will end up being abused again, but would it be worth it if it showed my daughter that if I can forgive so can she? I am, so to speak, wringing my mental hands non stop.

My insurance situation changed as well in that I lost half of it and am now responsible for that half myself out of my own pocket. Unfortunately this means I have to only go to the doctor when absolutely required, leaving smaller (but not less important) issues to wait. Like I cannot afford to have my blood drawn now or other similar tests like xrays.

So I am alone. My children are gone. My daughter has left me with a mortal wound and I cannot afford to take care of myself. And I don’t know what hope the future holds.

Top Ten Fridge Magnets


http://theverybesttop10.com/unusual-fridge-magnets/

Top Ten Moulting Cats


http://theverybesttop10.com/moulting-cats/


http://theverybesttop10.com/unusual-screwdriver-sets/


http://theverybesttop10.com/unusual-pouffes/

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Dearest Someone,

Mental Health Blog

smilebe4tears

Keeping positive in a unforgiving world when you are different.

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Now that physical abuse is in the limelight and punishable by law, abusers have resorted to more insidious forms of control. The effects are just as destructive, more enduring, and more difficult to overcome.

Therapy Bits

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Brighton Bipolar

Adult Survivor of Child Abuse and Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder - Working towards ending the stigma of Mental Illness

Seachy Waffles On. A chronic way of life!

The ups and downs of 21st Century life as a disabled dad. This is an honest account of my successes and failures and what I have learnt from them. How my disability has shaped my future, my neverending journey towards acceptance and a little bit of sarcasm and humour along the way. I have been battling Chronic Pain for 14 years and have made small steps towards living life again. I'm not after sympathy or pity, but I hope to encourage others and get a few words of encouragement myself along the way. Life is for living, pain or not make the most of things!

The Rheumatic Roller Coaster

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Indisposed and Undiagnosed

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takingthemaskoff

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Pride in Madness

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my journey of fumbling through therapy.

The Invisible Scar

raising awareness of emotional child abuse, its effects on adult survivors & the power of words on children

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Living life with dissociative identity disorder and complex PTSD

Precious Things

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GreenGrowsDark

Mental Health Awareness

BlueHero

An anxiety and depression blog

The Bipolar Codex

Kate McDonnell: Art, design and bipolar disorder

The Demons Of My Insane Sanity

WE ARE THE AUTHOR OF OUR OWN LIFE: SO LET'S MAKE OUR STORY ROCK! – S.L.EDAGO

My Minds Inside, Living with D.I.D

I am a young Female who is diagnosed D.I.D, and PTSD, welcome to my world.

Many of us's blog

Living life with dissociative identity disorder and complex PTSD

My Travels with Depression

A journey through therapy

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The immeasurable terrors of her mind...

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saving the world, one malady at a time.

Bipolar For Life

Memoirs of a Wounded Healer

The top 10 of Anything and Everything!!!

The top 10 of just about anything everything, from cakes to cats and dogs to caravans. Always a laugh, always worth seeing.

A Canvas Of The Minds

A unique collaboration of different perspectives on mental health and life

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