Growing into Me with Bipolar


ok so apparently a part of me is causing me to dissociate just enough so that i am keeping myself from getting to the shelter when im supposed to and just enough to keep me from doing things like trying to apply for jobs.  so i guess that means that some part of me is afraid to try…but not just afraid to try, afraid of actually doing well at something we try.  i also have plenty of fear of failure, too.  so i guess that pretty much just leaves me staying right where i am, stagnant.  never knowing if i could succeed at something, if i could have happiness, and always reaking of my abysmal failure from being to afraid to live, to try, to succeed.   no wonder i am unhappy, unsatisfied.  i cant move ahead, stuck in the swamp.  no wonder i have given up on ever having a future.  its the only thing left if growth and living are unattainable.  and continued stagnation is simply unacceptable. how can i be doing this to myself?   how can i be afraid to fail, and also to succeed?  does everyone have to figure out such riddles and overcome such challenges as these, just to find a job they can live with and live on?  how do i stop myself from sabotaging myself?


Comments on: "Self-Saboteur" (2)

  1. That’s how I feel so often, afraid to succeed and afraid to fail… thinking of you hun… xx


    • Sorry you have to feel this way too! I feel trapped, and wish I could find my way out of this maze already! I’ve been running around in it for way too long now. Thanks for your thoughts…xx


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