Growing into Me with Bipolar


Ok, so a week ago, my therapist made a comment.  A little one, that was just slipped in.  I didn’t actually register it at the time.  It was later, after I’d got home, bits of the session were floating about in my brain and i was resorting them again.  And this one kept drifting back over and over.

It was that she had casually slipped in that we no longer qualify as DID.  I sat with this for a whole week, until this week’s session.  And I said it our right at the beginning–had I misunderstood?  Am I really not DID anymore?  How does that work?  How do you go from being DID, and then one moment you’re just not DID anymore?

Her answer was that from what she observed, I no longer act as separate personalities, but rather as one ‘blended’ personality.  She said she does see parts of all of them, but they are now blended together with me, the one who fronted.  So, I guess that means we are ‘integrated’, and I guess it also means there is no ‘we’ anymore, just ‘I’.  It is strange, because I don’t really feel any differently. This is going to take a little getting used to.



Comments on: "Confused" (6)

  1. Hi Kat, did you do any integration work in therapy? Did you ask her how can you be integrated if you didnt? Just curious as I dont know how someone would manage to go it alone and get integrated. Is that what you were hoping for as your goal? If it is, congrats! XX


    • ya, it was kinda the goal, lol. but it just seems that ‘we’ were ‘we’ one day, then the next ‘we’ are now ‘i’. its ok that i have integrated, i just didn’t know it had happened. no, we didn’t really do any integration work, just a lot of EMDR (so maybe that is where we did integration work?) and we have processed lots of memories and feelings. maybe that’s how this has happened.


  2. hey Kat
    I’d be asking lots of questions. For us the integration process is quite painful. I asked G about it and she said it has been like that for all of the dissociative persons she has worked with. Hope you are well and have a good festive season.


  3. I know little of DID and could be completely wrong here, but I would feel that to become “integrated” surely must be a conclusion you as an individual reaches. To be told you are no longer the same person as you thought you were yesterday seems a little odd. However, in saying that, perhaps the Therapist was planting a seed. If she’s right, then well done you for coming so far. I haven’t known you long enough, but appreciate just how difficult that process must have been.

    Hope you’re having a peaceful Christmas


    • that is a really good thought—planting a seed. she has been known to plant seeds, so that very well could be her strategy here. and that makes more sense, too, than saying i have went from being DID to not being DID in such a short time.


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