Well, I can’t seem to keep focused on the issues in front of me to deal with—my daughter’s mental health issues, my son’s God-complex issues, and my own mental-health v. physical health issues. Everytime I try to think on what the best plan of action is for any of these issues, my brain just stops, just hits a brickwall and I can’t get anywhere with deciding. So, I have come to a stop-gap sort of response instead. These are not the ‘best’ possible choices, these are just the only things I can manage to come up with at the moment, and it will at least help me delay needing a solid answer to these things for a while.
So, I will do all that is required for my daughter, and put her first. I will no longer fight or even become disgruntled with my son. Instead, I am going to treat him like a casual acquaintance whom I don’t mind having around, but I don’t really want to get to know any better. And well, as for me—that was the hardest one to grapple with. I think I have grudgingly come to the place where I am not going to deal with any potential change of meds to improve my physical health issues. I simply cannot conceive of not have my mental health relatively stable by giving up lithium. There may indeed come a time when my physical health becomes so poor, that I may again have to revisit this issue. Maybe when I am looking at dying, I might feel different about the potential decrease in my mental health and stability. Maybe then, I may decide losing a bit of sanity is worth increasing my life by a bit. Or maybe not. I won’t know til I get there, and I guess I’ve only taken the second leg of the race so far. I guess we’ll see how the rest of the race pans out. But at this point, I’m sticking with mental health all the way.