Growing into Me with Bipolar

I Am a Wild Animal


Emergency-AppointmentI am a wild animal, and I can’t keep it inside. All my life I have tried, so hard, to keep it in deep inside. But when I have fallen into my manic, mixed, depressive, sometimes psychotic episodes, I can’t keep it in. The wild, feral animal that I really am escapes and I can’t call it back in.

I have started over so many times. Every time the animal escapes, I have to pick up the pieces of my life, the parts I have destroyed, the people I have attacked for no purpose. I lose it all, and I start again. Now I am tired. I am losing control over the animal inside, it is growing stronger. I don’t care if I hide it. I don’t care if I take meds to help keep it sedated. I don’t care anymore. I want to quit fighting myself and let the animal take over.animal-attack

But that would be wrong. I would hurt people and that can’t be tolerated. So just let me end us both, the animal that is gaining the upper hand, and me, who is too weak to do anything. Let us just go forever. Finally. No more struggles.

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Comments on: "I Am a Wild Animal" (6)

  1. Kat, am so sorry things are like this.

    The “animal” sounds angry…and maybe doesn’t get the opportunity to express that anger to those who need to hear and see it.

    Am thinking of you and wish there was something we could do that would help.

    xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. none of us like the beast, kat. i’m so sorry this is such a rough patch for you. xx. meredith.

    Liked by 1 person

    • we all have the beast? is it only us with ‘mental issues’ that have it? or do ‘normies’ have it too? how do you tame it, because mine is only getting stronger and wilder.

      thanks

      Like

  3. Im so sorry you are struggling. I am sending you lots of hugs, from one struggling gal to you, XXX

    Liked by 1 person

    • i wish neither of us were struggling, but i am glad to know someone like you and have you on ‘my side’ if we have to be struggling.

      thanks.

      Like

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