OK, I’m being totally honest, no cute phrasing, no beating about the bush.
I desperately want to call crisis and have them come and have them decide i need to be in the hospital.
I desperately want to call the national suicide lifeline, but they will transfer me to the local crisis line mentioned above.
i want to have live chat room with others feeling suicidal.
i want to have live chat with someone who will send help who will decide i need to go to the hospital.
i want to drive to the hospital.
i want to take all my pills. my daughter is upstairs with her boyfriend for the night. my son is working for another 2 hours. i will probably be found soon enough.
i want to take my pills and tell no one. go somewhere away from home where i won’t be found.
i want to get help from the clinic, tell them all this.
i don’t ever want any help again, from anyone. especially my clinic.
i want out of this. i am trying to hold on. but my fingers are almost slipping off the rope im hanging from. i cant hang on much longer. i want to have something to keep hanging on for.
i want to just let go, finally.