Growing into Me with Bipolar

I’m a monster…

…because i explained to my daughter that she is old enough to think about having her first pelvic and pap smear. i explained what they are for, how they do it, and that it doesn’t hurt.

she burst out in tears, saying, ‘i don’t want it! Ever! ‘ and then ran upstairs to her boyfriends place.

i really didn’t think i was going to cause her to dissolve like that. i am not quite sure what to do now…i don’t want to freak her out again, but i do want her to accept that this is part of being a woman, taking care of your female parts.

Comments on: "I’m a monster…" (13)

  1. This does not make you a monster. It means you are a mom. I’m sorry it upset her so much.

    Good and healing thoughts to yous.



    • thanks for that validation kate! she still adamantly insists she will never ever have one, tho. i will let it sit for a while, revisit it later, but i’ll mention it randomly in between then and now.

      im kinda wanting her to have one before she gets to 18, so that i know that she knows she can do it.


      • Hi Kat,

        I understand and agree with you. I would suggest that you not refer to it randomly, but wait to see if she brings it up. Of course, that is just my opinion.

        She sounds pretty upset, I hope that she is feeling different in a couple of months. I totally understand you wanting her to have her first exam before she turns 18.

        Good and healing thoughts to yous.


        Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t think that makes you a monster, Kat. She just sounds anxious and scared. Hopefully she`ll be open to talking with you about it another day and can find a way through the fears she has.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Kat,

    You are being a very good and kind mother. You are doing the right thing by advising your daughter to have her first pelvic exam in a planned, controlled environment, rather than as an emergency visit the way I, and I suspect many of us, experienced.

    If I may make a suggestion, try to get your daughter acquainted with a Certified Nurse Midwife. They are “girl-friendly” and won’t do anything scary or rough. You might want to schedule a “getting to know you” appointment just to talk, no exam the first visit. Let the CNM build a relationship and educate your daughter about women’s health. That way she will have her own practitioner and it will be the two of them working out the decisions, not you.

    That way you won’t be the “monster,” because your daughter will be entering the world of taking care of her health “by herself,” and hopefully it will be an empowering experience.

    You’re a good mom!

    Liked by 1 person

    • ah shucks! thanks, laura. we have a female FNP-C, who is really the best PCP i have ever had. but i had thought of having her go in and just talk to Pam, our PCP, and get accustomed to the idea, and hopefully set an appt afterward.

      ps-i went to a doc on my own when i was 16 and had a gyne/pap. my mom never brought it up. and when working in the nursing homes, i saw several women get uterine or cervical cancer, but it was already much too late by the time it was symptomatic.


      • That sounds like a really great plan! That’s what I used to do when my girl patients started needing pelvics. Have a visit when we look at the model of the pelvic organs, play with the speculum (“quack, quack”–never failed to break them out in giggles). Give the girl a chance to ask her questions. Create rapport and trust. Demystify the whole thing, and that helps break the fear barrier. Hopefully with the new vaccines we should never see another case of cervical cancer!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. manyofus1980 said:

    You arent a monster at all Kat! Quite the contrary. Your making sure she needs to do what is necessary when your a female! If only all moms were like you! XX

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s so difficult at that age. I remember having a problem “below” when I was 15. It took me until I was 18 before I had the courage to mention to a Doctor. I’d say, give her time to get used to the idea and maybe the next step is for her to discuss it with a ‘girl-friendly’ nurse

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You are absolutely not a monster!! I think she got scared. You’re just a mother taking care of her daughter, doesn’t mean it always comes out the way you wish it would. Take care Kat, hope you’re okay!

    Liked by 1 person

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