Growing into Me with Bipolar

happy pillsWhat I really want to know, is I am having a LOT of anxiety recently, but they won’t give me clonipin any more cuz when I took it daily, it made me groggy.  So, can I just substitute Vicodin and muscle relaxers to get the same effect?  Or should I wait til my next psych doc appt and try to get him to give me clonipin again if I can convince him I won’t use it daily?  Or should I just take extra trazodone?

My anxiety has been so high this week, that despite feeling very good, and very positive, some little things are just not being absorbed by me as usual.  Kind of like going retro for the last few days to where bumps in the road, problems, etc are just knocking me down instead.

So, I need some relief from this anxiety, so I can roll with everyday things like I should be.PICT0170

Eeny meeny miny mo....

Eeny meeny miny mo….


Comments on: "Not Sure How to Solve This One…" (14)

  1. Oh Kat, sorry to hear the anxiety monsters are at you again! A couple of things come to mind…mind you, I am not supposed to be dispensing clinical advice, but this is more like peer-to-peer, since I’m also dinner for those same monsters!

    Thing One: have you tried taking a lower dose of clonapin?
    Thing two: have you tried lorazepam? I find it works much better for me, and it’s relatively short acting so if the dose is wrong you’re not so stuck with it.
    Thing three: some people like Xanax (alprazolam, I think). It seems to make me jittery, personally, but many people like it.
    Thing four: oh please, please don’t use the pain meds just to muddle through! You’ll end up worse off in the end.
    Any way of asking, begging, pleading, and generally making a pest of yourself the pdoc will get you in early???

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha! Get in EARLY? I had my last appt in November, and they scheduled one for end of Jan, but cancelled it today and don’t know where or when they will be able to squeeze me in. Completely up in the air. No clue. (as if THAT isn’t anxiety provoking!)

      Also, I was only on .5mg 2x/d….it made me too groggy in afternoons, couldn’t really stay awake. i could, but i was useless, so doped up. so i took myself off it, next time doc saw me, he was so happy cause i was really actually all the way awake. said i couldn’t have clonipin anymore. I have about 6 days worth from my last bottle, at the BID dosing. But I don’t even need it every day. Just a few random ones like this.

      OH, and about Xanax—was on 12mg/d for about 2 yrs, and had several nearly complete suicide attempts in that time. They took it away and said my name was on some list about abusing benzos. (I wonder if that is true, since I got clonipin?)

      And, why will I end up worse off if I use my vicodin and muscle relaxers? sometimes I throw in extra trazodone too. (I have access to A LOT of these meds). Really I don’t know the negatives of this–please fill me in.

      Thanks so much for your input, and good to hear from you!

      Liked by 1 person

      • OK. About the clonapin. A half mg. It’s actually a hefty dose. If it made you a zombie, I would just cut the pill in half. That might take care of things.

        Like I said about Xanax, some people swear by it, some people swear at it. Sounds like you are in the latter group, along with me. Hi!

        Why you shouldn’t use pain meds as anxiety meds: you’ll be constipated at best, and addicted at worst. Just don’t, OK? I’m not kidding, it will mess you up much more than doing you good. That’s the thing about using opiates to alleviate psychic pain. It might take the pain away in the short run, but it will replace that pain with the agony of addiction. Did you know that people can get addicted to Vicodin in less than a week if they are taking it for non-physical pain? And on the other hand it’s been shown that people in the ICU after surgery can take huge amounts of opiates without becoming addicted. It’s one of those receptor things.

        You had an appointment today and they cancelled? Yikes! No way to use that leverage and say “you cancelled, I’m feeling horrible, you have to see me”? Grrrr, I hate the amount of power these people have!!!!

        Liked by 1 person

        • ok–1–i only take the .5mg/d (1) if really needed. thats what i want some just for prn. not for (2) a day routinely.

          2–xanax would be ok instead, but clonipin’s effect is less pronounced, less noticiable, when i take it.

          3–regarding vicodin (5/325 BID) and tizinadine (muscle relaxer 3x/d) (all prn), I take 14 meds each day, and all of them have constipation listed as an effect. not to be too graphic, but i take 3 meds for bowels and still have severe issues with it. so, already got that part bad. and i’m not too worried about addiction, given the years i’ve been using it already. but i appreciate the concern and its something to be on guard for.

          And finally, my appt with my psych doc was to be on Jan 27, but they cancelled it last week and don’t know where they can get me in, cuz he is ‘soo booked’. Today talked with Case Manager, they are still ‘looking’ for where to put my appt. So, I still don’t have one, and last time I was seen was November by the doc, and Jan by the nurse, to have lithium and kidney bloodwork drawn.


          • oh, and i forgot to mention that because I am on Medicare and Medicaid, I have to go to clinics run by Medicaid. So, they are ‘institutions’ for those on low income Title 19. There is no developing ‘relationships’ with your provider, no ‘running over time’ (ever) and if you are 5 min late, you lost your appt. But if you wait 2 hrs for yours, you get no reimbursement for your time. They do the job, in their own time, own way, and are very impersonal during visits. Really, they don’t seem to care if you even have a follow up appt within 8 wks or not. they emphasize that you should come back in 98 weeks, but then if you can’t get scheduled, well, that’s where I am now, in limbo.

            now you can see why i need a little bit of prn clonipin! just to deal with them or anything else as ridiculous as they are.


          • Ah, I didn’t realize you’re already on maintenance pain meds. That’s what happens when I talk without asking questions! OK. Good grief, your innards act up too?? Honey, how many ways can they figure out to torment people! Arrrgh! Sometimes I just can’t seem to get away from the “why” word: as in, why go to all the trouble of making a world, full of all sorts of matter and creatures meant to be beautiful, and then just shake it up real good and see where the pieces all fall out? Nights like tonight I feel like, OK, God, if you meet me in a dark alley you better run, cause I got a bone to pick wid you.

            Oops, ranting again. Sorry to rant all over your page!!!!

            Ahem. Yes. I think I’ll go take some more Seroquel now

            Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry to hear this Kat, I know what it’s like to be branded a benzo abuser. My Doc does now trust me enough to prescribe one of the less known benzo’s for sleep, but they take a bit of persuasion if there are doubts over potential addiction. I would agree what Laura says about the pain meds. I do use codeine for back pain, but as soon as the pain goes, I become very groggy on them, but I do fear addiction, so it’s best to stay clear.
    In the UK, a lot of people use antihistamines to help anxiety and sleep. There are usually two over the counter available, one drowsy, the other non drowsy.
    There is another drug that is used to treat nerve damage and anxiety disorders called Pregablin, or lyrica. They have less drowsy effect but do help with my anxiety and paranoia. Hope you manage to sort it soon

    Liked by 1 person

    • ya just need some prn clonipin. i was branded an abuser, but was really just really suicidal at that time. Codeine does not make me drowsy usually, just ‘lighter’ and less pain. will ask my primary doc about pregablin (lyrica) as I am diagnosed with fibromyalgia.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Good and healing thoughts to you.


    Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s always risky when playing around with medications. It sounds like your current regime is not working well enough to help you function day-to-day, so my advice (which is super cliché) is to talk to your doc about all of this and see if you can’t come up with a solution that you’re both comfortable with.

    Liked by 1 person

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