Growing into Me with Bipolar

Posts tagged ‘Memory loss’

Some Days, I Just Can’t Remember Anything

We all have those days, you know, where you keep missing things, things keep slipping your mind.  Well I’m not sure why, but I seem to have that problem a lot.  I mean, A LOT. But today was even worse than my usual.

Over the weekend, something happened that was unusual and kinda funny.  And every now and then, I remember what it was.  And I start to tell the kids, and ‘boom’, its gone, just like that.  Not even a hint of what I was gonna say.  Completely erased.  So far, I think its been about four different times I tried to tell them and this happened.  With this same memory.

But that isn’t the only memory I can’t hold on to.  I can’t think of something and then go to write it down, and by the time I pick up the pen, it’s gone.  Poof.  Makes it really hard to write shopping lists.  Or to-do lists.  No wonder I’m always wondering if there isn’t something I’m sposed to do.  If I got everything, did everything, called everyone.

But the worst part is when I’m talking.  I’ll be right in the middle of a conversation and know what I’m gonna say next.  And I soon as I start to talk, I forget everything.  Not just everything I was about to say, I lose the entire conversation.  I lose the topic.  It’s all GONE.  I can’t even remember when I’m reminded by the other people I was talking with.  And sometimes, if I’m lucky, I will get it back, in a flash, the whole a few minutes or so.  But the rest of the time, it just never comes back.  This is SOOO frustrating! I feel like I’m old, like I have Alzheimers.  At times I make fun of it, but inside, I’m worried.  Scared.  What if its cuz of my meds? or my past suicide attempts?  or if I have some new problem that hasn’t been labeled yet?  or is this part of my DID?  If it is, then why didn’t this used to happen before I knew about my others?  Will it stop?

And still, there are no answers.  And still, I don’t know what I was going to tell my kids.

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