We all have those days, you know, where you keep missing things, things keep slipping your mind. Well I’m not sure why, but I seem to have that problem a lot. I mean, A LOT. But today was even worse than my usual.
Over the weekend, something happened that was unusual and kinda funny. And every now and then, I remember what it was. And I start to tell the kids, and ‘boom’, its gone, just like that. Not even a hint of what I was gonna say. Completely erased. So far, I think its been about four different times I tried to tell them and this happened. With this same memory.
But that isn’t the only memory I can’t hold on to. I can’t think of something and then go to write it down, and by the time I pick up the pen, it’s gone. Poof. Makes it really hard to write shopping lists. Or to-do lists. No wonder I’m always wondering if there isn’t something I’m sposed to do. If I got everything, did everything, called everyone.
But the worst part is when I’m talking. I’ll be right in the middle of a conversation and know what I’m gonna say next. And I soon as I start to talk, I forget everything. Not just everything I was about to say, I lose the entire conversation. I lose the topic. It’s all GONE. I can’t even remember when I’m reminded by the other people I was talking with. And sometimes, if I’m lucky, I will get it back, in a flash, the whole thing..in a few minutes or so. But the rest of the time, it just never comes back. This is SOOO frustrating! I feel like I’m old, like I have Alzheimers. At times I make fun of it, but inside, I’m worried. Scared. What if its cuz of my meds? or my past suicide attempts? or if I have some new problem that hasn’t been labeled yet? or is this part of my DID? If it is, then why didn’t this used to happen before I knew about my others? Will it stop?
And still, there are no answers. And still, I don’t know what I was going to tell my kids.