Ok, lately I’ve bitched about my son and his choices, and I’ve bitched about my daughter acting too much like the teenager that she is. I’ve been really down, really hurt and really mad that they had not turned out properly, that that means I am a failure (and I guess by default, they are too). Well, I am here to say I am well and truly put in my place, and now feel so sheepish, so embarrassed, I am full of regret and wish I could take back all the things I thought.
What I realized is that I was being so, so selfish. I could not accept that they could make different choices, or have different opinions than me. I was obsessed that only I could ‘make them come out right’, and then when they didn’t, I immediately blamed myself for not being a good enough ‘mom’, and simultaneously blamed them for being difficult and not doing/thinking what I wanted them to.
In other words, I am not a bad mother. They are independent, thinking, strong teens almost ready to fly on their own. That is a success, not a failure. That means I am a success as a parent, as are they as great people. I have been wallowing in self pity, and saying how bad I am and how bad they are. But if I had really and truly looked around me and seen how great my kids really are, and how much thought and time and effort I have put into being a good parent, I would have seen how selfish and controlling I was really being.
Regardless of what religious choices my son makes, or how much time my daughter spends at home, or whether they moan about having to come to the table for a family meal, they are wonderful for who they are. They are proud, strong, independent, and speak their own mind and make their own choices. They are my kids and I will always be proud of them (and of I guess that means of me too). Sometimes, you have to look around you in the physical world to know if your feelings about yourself, your family and friends, is really accurate, or if you are just momentarily being swallowed by a strong event. Sometimes the feelings you feel are wrong, and not based in the real life world.