Somewhere Else, Someone Else

Aside

my daughter wont even tell me whats going on with her, even when i ask every single day.  turns out, after she screamed it at me, that not only does she not even want me to know what is going on with her, she really fucking does not want any help i might have to give.  ya, because all that time and effort and attention i poured into her for 15 years was for nothing.  ya, cause i totally dont want to be the one she turns to when she needs help.  ya, cause i certainly don’t want to give her any help.

so not only wont she tell me whats really wrong, but even when i figure it out, she wont take my help.  she just slaps me away and pushes me back, she doesn’t want me, she doesn’t need me.  she leaves right away in the morning and never comes back til 10.  she cant even fucking stand to be in her own house, cause no one helps her here–cause she pushes them back and won’t tell them anything.  its so bad in her own house, she fucking feels she has to spend all her waking moments somewhere else, somewhere else where they are allowed to know whats wrong, where they are allowed to help and support.  somewhere else, who she loves more than me.

and here all this time, i thought i was soo nice, so concerned, so caring.  but it turns out, i am actually unwanted, unnecessary, unloved.  good thing i dont care, or this might really be hurtful.