Hi All! I am feeling really pretty good today. This is starting to happen more often now, and I’m starting to recognize it faster, and I’m starting to believe that even if I acknowledge it, it will most likely still be there! I was always afraid to believe I really was feeling good, because it seemed like when I did do that, it would just as quickly and mysteriously disappear again. So, its nice to know it won’t just disappear.
I am experiencing a bunch of emotions all at once right now tho. I am embarking on two adventures. First, in June, me and my kids are roadtripping from Arizona to Iowa and we are staying with the last of my family. We plan on being there for three weeks. I have lots of anxiety about this trip. Some is negative, but lots is positive. Of course, I’m worried about finances, about hoping we don’t overspend or have an unexpected expense. I am worried about the bills still getting paid, especially since there is no internet or cell phone at our destination (it is what you might call a ‘rustic’ locale), but I can always drive into the nearest city of any size about 25mi away, and use the wifi at the library. I plan on doing that about every 3rd day. And, my family there is the last of my line, and they are now very elderly, so this may be the last time any of us sees either of them.
My second adventure is probably moving a block over. I can actually see the new place from my current place. It is just up the street about a block. There are some worries about the thought of moving there, tho. The complex is actually only 3 buildings, in the shape of an H (or a tie-fighter if you prefer). There is a pool under the crossbar. There is a very small 2 washer, 2 dryer laundry room. And the yard and surrounding area maintenance is a little less than desired. Not exactly bad, but not really nice either. But the apartment! Oh, my! it is probably about 1000+ square feet, 2 beds and 2 baths. There are closets in every room (those of you not familiar with desert architecture may not understand why that is so great a feature!). So, closets in all the rooms, a large kitchen plus an eat in area that does not use any of the actual kitchen space. The bathrooms are both good size, and you can actually do more than stand in spot and pivot around (like where I am currently). And both bedrooms are larger than what we have now. So, my son will get the regular bedroom, and its about the same as what he has now. My daughter and I share the master bedroom, and currently, we have only enough room to squeeze between the beds and along the bottom of the beds to get out the door. The new master bedroom is roomier and should give us more room than the minimum to squeeze between the beds, so that my daughter can have more space to spread out her teenage girl self, and of course, for having more friends over at the same time! Even better, if you pay a single $200 deposit, you can have as many animals in your unit as you want, and there is NO montly pet rent fee per pet. This is great for me, because I currently have a cat who is designated as my Emotional Support Animal (ESA), so she is completely free (even of deposit), but I had been considering getting a new dog (i have a hole left in my from when my last dog, also my ESA at the time, passed away almost a year ago. So, if I don’t have to pay pet rent, then it will be so much easier for me to afford to have a regular pet, which I can’t do at my current place, as there is both a deposit and a monthly fee. I would really like to have a dog again. So, there is a lot to like about moving next door. Oh, and did I mention that not only is it larger (by about 1/3 more), and has no pet rent, but the rent is the same AND I would not have to pay Water, Sewer, Trash (which I currently pay close to $100 in addition to my rent each month). That would mean that in addition to being larger, and no pet rent, but I would also be paying almost $100/mo LESS each month to the landlord due to not having a water bill.
So, negatives include having to go through the whole collecting boxes from WalMart in the middle of the night, putting them all together, packing everything into them, and renting a Uhaul truck to fill with the filled boxes and then drive it 1 block away to unload it all over again, and then unload the boxes and put everything in its place again. That is a lot of work. Plus, we have moved 4 times already since we came to Arizona in 2008, and according to my son “every move has only left us in worse and worse places, so we might as well stay put”. Now on the other hand, my daughter really wants to move, because her sweetheart lives in the same place (that is how we even know about this place!), so then all they would have to do to see each other is step out the door and walk a few feet to the other’s door. I must say, I am mostly in favor of moving, even though it is such a short distance away, and seems like such a waste of effort, time and money for so little a move. I am really positive about having more space, more closets, no water bill (save me $100 ea mon!), and no pet rent, so I can get another dog. But I hate to admit that I think my son might have hit upon a truth–we have moved to both cheaper, smaller, and less nice places each time we have moved. Of course, that because our income has been either staying the same or declining as well. Anyway, his words kind of haunt me, lingering in my head when I try to think of the positives of this move. And I have worries that he may be right. Maybe I am making another mistake that doesn’t need to be made. Maybe I should quit looking for a fix, for something better, and just stay with what I have, what (mostly) works. There is also the cost of coming up with first month rent and deposit, which could very well sink me and make me overdrawn. That would be a very touchy and delicate balancing act, that logically and mathematically would and should work, but may always be tipped over by any unexpected bumps.
Well, ok that is what’s been going on with me. I think I am starting to feel happy more often. I think it might be sticking around now. And I’m just all sorts of happy and excited but being torn in the other direction at the same time of not wanting to ruin what I’ve go now for something I hope will, should, could be better, but might not be. So, I am feeling kind of torn and jumbled and not sure which way to go. I wish there was an easy way to decide, to not take a chance that isn’t going to pan out in the end. I guess I’ll just have to ‘let this sit’ like so many other things, and see where it leads.